On average, a man will be the Best Man at a wedding 1.3 times in their lifetime. I know people for whom it’s their forte, and others who would think it’s their worst nightmare!
Nevertheless, it is always a huge honour to be asked to be a Best Man for a friend or family member.
This blog will look at all of the duties you have in accepting such a prestigious title, and what to do if your buddy becoming a hubby has two best men!
What to do once they’ve popped the question?
1. Be over-the-moon: Whichever way your best pal pops the question, be elated. Whether you’ve always known you would be the best man or if it’s a complete surprise, your first job is to be happy for your groom.
2. Start probing about the stag do: Yes, some grooms are more excited about the stag than the wedding it seems, like this Reddit conversation here…but it’s your job as best man to hype it up in case they’re not, and it’s never too soon.
What to do in the build up?
1. Help choose the suits: The groom will want some help choosing the all-important suit for their big day. This is usually done around 4-5 months before the wedding but thought early will help avoid a last-minute panic. Things to consider:
· Matching Best Man/Usher suits or different
· Tie, Cufflinks, Cummerbunds, suspenders
2. The Stag Stag Stag: You’ve probed already, you have an idea of what the groom will want, but now is the time to get planning. It’s up to you and the groom when the stag is, months before or quite close to the wedding, there’s no right or wrong. Some things you’ll need to figure out:
· Who’s coming – Ask your groom for a list or to create a WhatsApp group then get out. Here’s some inspiration for the group name.
· Budget – From that WhatsApp group, find out people’s budget. It’s hard to just ask, so come up with three options: Abroad, away from home but in the country, hometown pub crawl. Float these and see what appetite there is.
· Are you paying for the Groom – Along with budget, make sure to know if you’re all splitting the cost for the groom, or is that on you. Customs say the groom should not pay.
· Dates – Again, don’t ask when people can do, give them options, and choose the one that fits best for the most people.
· Logistics – Travel, Hotels, Travel between entertainment, restaurant & bar bookings. Plan to avoid disappointment and losing the crowd.
· Itinerary – Put one together, print it off so everyone knows where they need to be and when.
· ENJOY IT – Once it’s all booked and you’re there, enjoy it.
This will deserve its own blog post very soon!
3. Meet the ushers – Your comrades on the day, get acquainted before the wedding so you can run like a well-oiled machine on the day…or just know who’s going to be a liability or not!
4. Help with admin – Wedding rings, menu tasting, celebrant stories, vow writing, anything where you can help, offer, and get involved. It’ll be invaluable to your best friend.
5. Prepare your speech – This is the scariest part of the whole job; everyone thinks it so you’re not alone. Again, this deserves a whole blog post, but our key points are:
· Prep – write it out before the night before!
· Practice – Try it out in front of the mirror or a loved one. Take their notes and advice and they are detached from the situations.
· Hit the three pillars: Informative, Funny, Heart-warming – Set the scene clearly in your stories, bonus points if you get laughter and happy, heartstring tears.
· Project – Make sure everyone in the room can hear how great your speech is.
On the Day
1. Be there and present in the morning - Remember, it’s His Day, so be sure to make sure your groom is calm, cool, collected. Iron his shirt for them! Organise their cufflinks, straighten his tie. Whatever you can do to make sure they’re relaxed.
2. Have your speech ready – Write it down clearly if you need something to read from.
3. Be a presence – Don’t hide away in the corner or at the bar, you are part of the day. Introduce yourself, mingle and show everyone that the groom picked the best man possible.
4. Deliver the best speech – Smash your speech, take the applause, and get on with enjoying the day.
For help with your speech, check out www.lifeisaspeech.com.
And what do I do if I'm a Co-Best Man?
It’s completely fine for a groom to have two or even three best men! Sometimes it’s hard to pick between best mates and/or family members.
All the above still applies, you will just need a bit of collaboration and coordination. Here’s some top tips:
1. Sort out who’s doing what – Early on in the process, sort out who is doing what from the above list. Where do people’s strengths lie? Divide and conquer.
2. Regular contact – Have regular update sessions and your own WhatsApp group away from the Stag group.
3. Practice the speech together – Nothing worse than a disjointed best men speech looking like you’ve only just met that morning. Even if that is the case, grab 10 minutes to work out the flow of your speech.
4. Enjoy it! – You get to enjoy the whole experience with another Best Man, so why not embrace it.
And that’s it! Hopefully this has been helpful if you are a Best Man in the making.
We’ve put together a Best Man Bundle for £5 here which has a Best Man Speech Template and a load of Stag Do ideas to make the above easier.
AND we have a FREE tip sheet here for the Best Man.
Get in touch with us if you have any more advice for Best Men!